When I was a little girl, our family had our traditions like most families we knew. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day going from place to place, celebrating with our grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We had too much food, even more sweets and more presents than we really needed.
The month of December was a special time at our house. The tree was up and decorated and all the knick-knacks we owned that had a remote connection to Christmas covered every surface. The cabinet stereo played continuously: Lynn Anderson, Jim Reeves, Burl Ives, Bing Crosby, The Chipmunks and (may we NEVER forget) the Royal Guardsmen's Snoopy's Christmas. My Mama and Grandmommy baked the entire month, and my Pop made homemade candy better than anything Hershey ever produced. We watched all the Christmas specials (mostly cartoons), which was a big deal because Christmas movies didn't show on every channel 24/7. I prayed for snow every night, and every Christmas morning I woke up too early, woke my brother and parents, and headed straight for the tree.
Christmas was my favorite time of year, until 1991. On December 23rd that year (my senior year in high school), I lost my Grandma. She was the first "close" relative I'd ever lost. As I said earlier, she was one of those places we'd travel to every Christmas Eve. Her house on Christmas Eve afternoon was something our entire family looked forward to...and mine is a BIG family. All 8 children and their spouses, 25+ grandchildren (and eventually their spouses and children) crammed into her 2 bedroom house and celebrated the season. It was a good time for all of us, and then she was gone.
That year, since the viewing ended up being on Christmas night, we didn't really have a normal Christmas. We woke up at home, just like normal, but the joy was gone. There had been a Christmas Eve gathering the day before, but this time it was a family huddled together in loss and sadness. I never got over that Christmas, and since then I just can't seem to find the joy it used to bring.
Some say Christmas looses it's sparkle as you get older. Some say it becomes more of a hassle than a happy time. But for me, someone who has held onto family traditions close my entire life, I don't think that's it. I think when I lost my Grandma 20 Christmases ago, I lost the Spirit of Christmas.
So how can I get it back? It's not like I haven't tried. I've decorated, sang songs and baked until I can't move. I've gone to countless school pageants, church plays, and light shows - still nothing like it used to be. I've watched more Christmas movies in the past 5 years than I care to remember, still the Spirit of Christmas eluded me. Until this year...
This year is different. It's not because of the decorations, the cookies, or even the music. It's not because of the church play, a gift I received, or even how much I'm looking forward to spending time with my family. This year it's about finding something new to fill a void I've felt for so long. This year it's about making new traditions for my family and spending time with them. It's about loving my Husband, and letting him know that everyday with him is like Christmas day. It's about being thankful for everything I've been blessed with. And last, but certainly not least, it's about Jesus...the reason for this season.
I know my Grandma would be happy about my new found love of the season, and I know she would have never wanted me to lose the Spirit of Christmas. So, this month while I enjoy the decorations, movies, and food that's become such a part of my life this time of year, I'll remember the REAL Spirit of Christmas...and my Grandma, who always made it so special.
